Last weekend, Todd and I went to a Married Couples’ Conference with our church, Harvest Christian Fellowship. One of the speakers at the conference was Pastor James MacDonald and his lesson was based on 1 Peter 3:7 in the Bible. This specific lesson is geared towards husbands (so ladies, make sure you pass on this post!) and is titled, “6 Things Men Should Do to Transform Their Wife & Their Marriage.”
Although these ideas are Christian based, obviously anyone can use them to give their marriage a boost. Maybe some of you have a perfect marriage already (yeah, right!), but I’m sure you will be able to find one or more tips to share with your spouse. If you take apart the verse mentioned above, you will see the six things listed below.
1. Spend time with your wife
Tip: This does not include watching a football game together or eating dinner together. We’re talking about quality time including: talking, praying, sharing ideas or goals for the future, etc. This is how much time should be spent together:
- 15 minutes a day, 1 evening per week, 1 day per month, 1 weekend per year
It is said that spouses talk to one another for a total of 4 minutes per day! Yikes!
2. Study your wife
Men, if you studied your wife, here are 6 things you would know:
- “Nothing” can mean anything. Don’t ignore your wife when she says this word, she doesn’t mean it.
- Women are bugged by things guys don’t notice. Example: Leaving the toilet seat up.
- Romance springs from sacrifice and planning, not convenience. Example: Buying roses on the side of the freeway doesn’t count as romancing your wife. You didn’t intend to buy your wife flowers — until you saw the man standing next to you, conveniently carrying bundles of roses ready for you to purchase.
- Sex is the dessert at the end of a good day, not a fire escape from a bad day. Most women don’t want to have sex if you’ve been fighting or the man hasn’t been respectful, etc. For wives, it doesn’t erase everything you’ve done wrong in the past 24 hours (or more!).
- Genuine compliments are never wasted. What woman doesn’t like to hear they look pretty tonight or how smart they are or what a good mom they are?
- A little help goes a long way. For instance, in our house, I love when my husband gives Ryan a bath, helps with the dishes, cleans up the dog poop, or fixes something that’s broken in the house or the yard.
3. Honor your wife
Affirm her, support her when she’s having a bad day, and encourage her.
4. Protect your wife
According to the passage, the woman is the weaker of the two (physically, of course!). This means she may experience more fear, at times.
Show patience when things seem dangerous.
Ensure her safety in your absence. I know when Todd is out-of-town I get nervous that something bad is going to happen and I’ll have to take care of the kids, the dog, and the house all by myself. When he’s home though, I don’t think anything of it because I know he’s here to help and he will protect us.
Manage your aggression during conflict. Keep your voice low, don’t say things you can’t take back, and don’t get physical or threaten. Never bring up the “D” word (Divorce)!
5. Open up to your wife
You are heirs together.
Do life with your wife. Include her in your day-to-day stuff. Yes, she does like to know what happened at work or what you had for lunch (he, he!).
No woman should be “alone” in a marriage.
6. Pray with your wife
The more you pray together and for each other, the closer you will become.
Husbands are responsible for the condition of their marriage.
I hope you found all this as useful as Todd and I did. After the session that day, we discussed the things that I would like Todd to work on as a husband. It’s not meant to make your husband feel like they aren’t doing things right, it’s so two people can have the best marriage possible. Because that’s what God wants for all of us. Now men, go transform your wife and your marriage!
Did you find this post useful? If so, please leave a comment and let me know!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey.. I haven’t read the whole thing but the part about opening up to your wife is challenging.. Because when I’ve opened up to woman, it’s usually gone bad.. either they lose respect or worst they use it against you… can you give me some advice on this?
Hey Jose, I think it’s great you even try to open up. That’s the first step and a lot of people don’t take the risk. I guess it’s all in how you approach your spouse when you’re opening up and what exactly you’re going to say. Your wife/girlfriend may have a hard time with what you say at first, but I’m sure after a little while, she will come around and be glad you were honest. I hope that helps!