Todd and I recently had our 3 year wedding anniversary. People always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. For us, year one was a breeze and then year 2 hit. There was constant bickering and misunderstandings. After all, we added a baby to the mix. My hormones were all over the place and everything upset me. Plus, I think I was a little bit of a nut job. Apparently Ryan had taken some of my brain cells and they took a while to replenish. Thank God for that because it made year 3 turn out much like year 1. Blissful.
I am dying to know how year 4 will turn out. We shall see…
The one thing I’ve learned over time is that marriage is like a car. It constantly needs tune-ups and attention to keep it running smoothly. If you let months go by before you give it some love, it’s going to start hissing and giving you problems. Can you see the relationship here people?
If Todd and I don’t spend quality time together, before we know it we feel disconnected and blah towards each other. It’s not that there’s a problem necessarily, it’s that we haven’t taken the time to sit, talk and pray together. We’ve attended two marriage retreats where we learn about what God wants for our marriage and tools to help us along. We also read books on Christian marriage and pray together as time allows. My mom also watches Ryan so that Todd and I can have date night. Our marriage is far from perfect, but one I’m proud to call my own.
Some people may have “good” marriages, but how often do they take the time to connect with their spouse? To really get to know them. It’s easy to do life together by waking up, going to work, eating dinner, watching TV, and then going to bed. Separately. But the question is, is that a quality marriage? Didn’t you choose to spend the rest of your life with this person because you couldn’t get enough of them and you thought they were so great you couldn’t live without them? I know I did.
Or maybe your husband leaves his wet towels on the floor, the toilet seat up, and empty milk cartons on the counter and now you can’t stand him. I don’t know. My point is you need to look back and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Try to look past all those annoying habits. After all ladies, we can be annoying too. Our husbands can’t understand why we constantly hang up stuff they are going to wear again the next day, leave the toilet seat down so they accidentally pee on it, and throw the cartons away in the recycle bin the minute we finish the milk. {Of course these our not our annoying habits. Just examples. He, he.}
How come we live our everyday lives without living in the moment with our spouse? We let our work, school, and kids’ schedules get in the way of true marriage bliss.
My challenge is for all of us to go and spend some time to get to know our spouse again. Put all the cleaning, birthday and dinner parties to the side, and make a date with our spouse. Now go get ‘em!
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I can so relate to this blog. My husband and I have been together for 15 years in October and married for 10 in June! We feel soo blessed becuase we know how special our relationship is. We actually like each other, even more, we LOVE each other. We do everything together because he is my best friend. But it takes work on both sides to keep this ‘bliss’ going. If I don’t tell him that I think he has been a lazy bum recently (not quite in so many words), the resentment will build and I will blow. If I can find a way to build him up while telling him I need help, we both win.
Well said, Jen! Building Todd up is something that’s been hard for me to do. I don’t know why, but it’s uncomfortable to me. (So bad!) But when I do, it really works! Congrats on 15 wonderful years together! God is good
Hey Jen. I totally agree and relate to your blog. Nomatter how good you think your marriage is, you both need to work on it. And the addition of children “tests” your marriage even more. Date nights are a must. Gilbert and I do everything together. And if we have made it work for all these yrs, we are doing something right!
Hi Demitra. I definitely agree that both partners need to work on the marriage, otherwise there is no way for it to succeed. Marriage is definitely not a one-way street! I’m glad you and Gilbert are doing well. I like to see happy couples
My marriage has been a roller coaster since day one. I love my husband so much that i never let him go forr all the wrong he has done to me. This blog as opened my eyes to something thaat it true very true…Marvin andd I never had times to our selfs. this is my frist marriage, and i want it to be my last. i have 3 beautiful kids with him…maybe thats what we need time to our self…..but yes, ive been the one keeeping this marriagee together and hopeffully this time it will change.