We’ve been living in our new house for about 7 months now (wow, has time flown by!) and we decided that it is time to replace some of our furniture that doesn’t excite us anymore.

We started by hiring this decorator to come to our house and give us some ideas. Well, we came up with a living room that cost $10,000!! The furniture was beautiful, but we just can’t see spending that much on one room. We did get these giant pots from her and we put some real plants in them. We are in love!

The decorator gave us some great ideas and guidelines we can use for finding the right pieces on our own. The problem is that Todd and I haven’t been able to decide on what we really want. We are trying to go for a more modern look and Todd really likes these white leather couches we found that were a great price and good quality, but I’m not sure I’m too hip on the idea of leather.

We’ve been to tons of furniture stores – and let me tell you – there are tons out there! There are a lot of couches we like, but I guess we haven’t found the right one yet because we both haven’t felt motivated enough to actually purchase any of them!

Does everyone else have this problem or are we being too picky? I guess we just really want the living room to look nice since it’s the first room everyone sees when they walk in the front door. We want it to have that “wow” factor.

I guess I know what we’ll be doing this weekend!

Sometimes I’m cranky.

Sometimes I’m irritable.

Sometimes I’m sarcastic.

Sometimes I’m snotty.

Sometimes I’m stressed.

Sometimes I’m tired.

Sometimes I’m emotional.

Sometimes I’m annoyed.

But the one thing I am consistently – but not always good at – is setting the tone of the house.

As the wife and mother of our home, I may not be in charge of making the money or paying the bills or calling someone to fix the water heater, but I am in charge of making sure the house is inviting to come home to at the end of the day.

If Todd comes home and I’m annoyed with the kids or the dog, distracted by the dinner on the stove, and the house is a mess – that doesn’t really send a positive signal to my husband.

I’m not saying we need to go all Stepford Wives on our husbands, but I do feel there are a few things we can do to improve the tone of our home, especially if we are stay-at-home moms. Here are some simple things to do before your hubby gets home from work.

Always make sure the house is picked up. Put away the laundry you washed, the toys on the floor, the mail you tossed on the table, and the dry cleaning you picked up at lunch time.

Always freshen up. I think my husband would like to come in the front door, after a hard day of work, and see his wife with freshly applied makeup, brushed hair, and clothes that don’t show how difficult of a day I really had. He had his own difficult day.

Always have a clean smelling home. You may not have had time to dust the tables and mop the floor, but you do have time to make the house smell clean and fresh. You can spray some air freshener, like Febreeze, right before your hubby gets home. My favorite way to improve the smell of the house is to light a candle or two about an hour before he gets home. I like candle scents such as baked cookies, cinnamon, or fresh apples. This makes it smell like something is in the oven, even when there’s not.

Always be positive about your day. Unloading to your husband about how difficult your day was with the kids or how the dog made paw prints all over the floor is not what he wants to hear when he walks in the house. You don’t have to fake that you had a good day, even if you didn’t, but just don’t say anything right away. Give your husband time to relax and unwind first.

Always being this way can sometimes be difficult, but maybe if we can work on one at a time and slowly improve the mood of our home that will be enough for now. I bet your husband and kids will notice right away and become happier and more positive in return.

This past weekend Todd and I went on our 3rd marriage retreat, this one was with our church, Harvest Christian Fellowship. We stayed in Newport Beach at the Hyatt, which is the same hotel we stayed at on our wedding night in June of 2007. That made it even more special. It’s so nice to travel alone with your spouse and get that chance to reconnect.

When we got married we promised we would do marriage tune-ups to keep our marriage on track. These days it’s so easy to get pulled off track with the busyness of life and just let your marriage stay average. We don’t want an average marriage though, we want to constantly grow together, as a couple and in our faith.

We try to attend these marriage retreats once a year, read our Bibles together, pray together, and read devotionals together. Before we had Ryan we were in a couples’ Bible study too. We’d like to go back to attending one once we move into our new house next month. It’s a little difficult because it usually falls during Ryan’s bedtime. We will have to see.

Don’t get me wrong, we stumble just like everyone else. We have our good and bad days, disagreements, irreconcilable differences, etc. The good thing is that we can learn from every problem or difficulty and become closer as a couple by getting through it together. I’m just happy that all the good definitely outweighs the bad!

What do you do to keep your marriage alive? Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear some other ideas!

When Todd and I get in a fight, I often ask him if he wants me to be more like a Stepford wife. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, a Stepford wife is a woman who is overly submissive to her husband, mindless, docile and exceptionally beautiful. Basically a perfect in every way sort of wife. {There is actually a novel called The Stepford Wives (1972) and a movie (1975, 2004).}

Although I know that’s not what he wants me to be, my mind just takes me there when I receive a complaint from him that I said something snotty or have an attitude. Now don’t get me wrong. I do tend to get easily irritated and impatient. I think this is more-so since becoming a stay-at-home mom.

I’ve also read that the woman sets the mood of the home. So if I choose to be irritated and crabby all the time, everyone else will be too. Of course that isn’t exactly the atmosphere I’d like to create in our home, nor do I think I need to be Super Mom and Super Wife either.

But if I could be a better wife and not the perfect wife {because that’s impossible} these are the many things I would do:

• Have dinner on the table 5 nights a week
• Always know what to cook too!
• Almost always have a smile on my face
• Almost never show how impatient or irritated I am
• Clean my own house instead of having a cleaning crew
• Stop complaining
• Choose my words with my husband carefully
• Have sex with him only when I want it when he wants it
• Make breakfast on Saturdays
• Shop with coupons

If you could be a better wife, what would you do?

Todd and I recently had our 3 year wedding anniversary. People always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. For us, year one was a breeze and then year 2 hit. There was constant bickering and misunderstandings. After all, we added a baby to the mix. My hormones were all over the place and everything upset me. Plus, I think I was a little bit of a nut job. Apparently Ryan had taken some of my brain cells and they took a while to replenish. Thank God for that because it made year 3 turn out much like year 1. Blissful. 

I am dying to know how year 4 will turn out. We shall see…

The one thing I’ve learned over time is that marriage is like a car. It constantly needs tune-ups and attention to keep it running smoothly. If you let months go by before you give it some love, it’s going to start hissing and giving you problems. Can you see the relationship here people?

If Todd and I don’t spend quality time together, before we know it we feel disconnected and blah towards each other. It’s not that there’s a problem necessarily, it’s that we haven’t taken the time to sit, talk and pray together. We’ve attended two marriage retreats where we learn about what God wants for our marriage and tools to help us along. We also read books on Christian marriage and pray together as time allows. My mom also watches Ryan so that Todd and I can have date night. Our marriage is far from perfect, but one I’m proud to call my own.

Some people may have “good” marriages, but how often do they take the time to connect with their spouse? To really get to know them. It’s easy to do life together by waking up, going to work, eating dinner, watching TV, and then going to bed. Separately. But the question is, is that a quality marriage? Didn’t you choose to spend the rest of your life with this person because you couldn’t get enough of them and you thought they were so great you couldn’t live without them? I know I did.

Or maybe your husband leaves his wet towels on the floor, the toilet seat up, and empty milk cartons on the counter and now you can’t stand him. I don’t know. My point is you need to look back and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Try to look past all those annoying habits. After all ladies, we can be annoying too. Our husbands can’t understand why we constantly hang up stuff they are going to wear again the next day, leave the toilet seat down so they accidentally pee on it, and throw the cartons away in the recycle bin the minute we finish the milk. {Of course these our not our annoying habits. Just examples. He, he.}

How come we live our everyday lives without living in the moment with our spouse? We let our work, school, and kids’ schedules get in the way of true marriage bliss.

My challenge is for all of us to go and spend some time to get to know our spouse again. Put all the cleaning, birthday and dinner parties to the side, and make a date with our spouse. Now go get ‘em!

When Todd and I were dating, he would always say, “Don’t let my bad mood put you in a bad mood.” Well my friends, that’s easier said than done.

Saturday night we went out to dinner at our favorite shabu-shabu restaurant. Dinner was definitely not dull. Ryan had managed to throw something and hit a bowl of sauce sending it to the floor and then all the way to the ceiling. He poured his bowl of food on the counter. And he threw his chopsticks across the room. Needless to say, it wasn’t a very enjoyable dinner.

When I left the restaurant I felt exhausted. Our original plan had been to walk around the shopping center to work off some of our meal. I looked to Todd and said, “Are you sure you still feel like walking around?” Which of course was me telling him in a round about way that I was no longer in the mood. That I wanted to change our plans. Then I followed it up with, “I’m just kind of in a blah mood now.”

Todd doesn’t like it when I change my mind about what I want to do. So he got annoyed.

We decided to push-on anyway and walk. As usual, walking began to cheer me up, as it usually does. My mood began to change, but unfortunately, so did Todd’s. Now I was feeling better, but my previous mood had caused him to become blah.

Why is it easier for us to say things, but then harder for us to do them? Why can’t we just cheer up our spouse when they are feeling down instead of taking on their feelings? Why do we let their mood rub off on us? Oh, marriage can be exhausting…

This past weekend, Heavenly Husband and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. We decided to spend it at a marriage retreat with our old church, The Crossing. We stayed at a hotel in Newport Beach and not only got to spend the ENTIRE weekend together as a couple, but we also spent a lot of time with some of our good friends.

It was interesting to see such a mix of couples. Some couples hadn’t even been married for a year and some were married almost 40 years. {Crazy, I know} Some couples were really young and, well, some were a lot older! Some couples started their marriage as believers of Jesus Christ, while others came to know Him after years of marriage. The one thing all the couples had in common is that they felt the presence of Jesus Christ at some point during the retreat, if not the entire weekend! The teaching was ridiculously insightful with tools anyone could use in their marriage.

HH and I made a  pact when we first got married to do marriage tune-ups yearly to help strengthen our marriage. It’s so easy to just let life go by and not take time to really get to know your spouse. We also read the Bible and pray together, plus we read books on marriage, from Christian authors. I’m not saying that we have it all down. Trust me. But I will say, it helps us stay connected during the hectic work week and remember that the other one still exists.

When was the last time you had a REAL conversation with your spouse? Have you told them lately your dreams and goals for the future, as an individual and as a couple? Have you told your spouse why you love them and value them as your mate? Now go give your spouse a big SMOOCH…because I said so.

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Did you sing that song as a kid? I did. That’s what I think of when I see Ryan’s new instrument his Papa got him. A Ukulele.

For those of you who aren’t sure what a Ukulele is, it’s the string instrument they use in Hawaiian songs.

As you can tell in this photo…

Todd is one Proud Papa!

And in this picture you can tell…

Ryan is one Happy Boy!

Maybe Ryan will play the Bass and the Guitar one day, just like his Papa. After all, he practically walked out of the womb dancing. He must have some musical talent in him!